Elvis has just notched up 75 years, or as someone kindly told me recently, “well he’s not 75 is he because he's dead isn’t he”, it is times like this that make me wonder why I am so indifferent to most things in life almost to the point of sneering, but when it comes to Elvis, I literally do lose the plot, full on proper mania and clearly I’m not alone.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t own a Wolf howling at the moon T shirt, a pick up truck or have a mullet and moustache, but I do own a £650 Aloha Replica Jumpsuit, I have been to Graceland and at the last count owned 348 Elvis albums.
As with all my psychological problems I squarely blame my mother. I clearly remember her coming back from the news agents on the day Elvis died, having brought every different paper from the paper shop, we then were made to sit in front of the television for the whole day to confirm that he was actually dead. This was exceptionally boring as it was way before 24-hour rolling news coverage and we were on holiday at the time in a little hotel. In truth I was quite glad we didn’t have to brave the elements outside in our shorts and kagouls but from an early age I was completely fascinated.
The weeks after his death and what was remaining of the school holidays they played a different Elvis movie after Why Don’t You on BBC1. At the time there was nothing else on telly, but still, I literally thought he was the coolest man on the planet; he always got the girl, looked good and could sing a bit. To be honest growing up in Milton Keynes with burnt-out phone boxes and punk bands in full throttle, to like Elvis was like my own rebellion.
I still get the childlike thrill about Elvis and in my later years I’ve really embraced it. I visited Graceland in 2005 and the morning after an enjoyable tour when they opened the grounds up, after a brief conversion with the man himself, graveside, I decided to take a dip in his swimming pool. For a brief few moments before the security guards arrived I actually swam in the king’s pool, but afterwards ejected from the Heartbreak Hotel and threatened with imprisonment, in what is affectionately known by my family as the Disgracelands Incident.
Sadly my bespoke Jumpsuit is now a little on the large side. I was going for the very later years' Elvis look, but now I’ve trimmed down to Comeback Special Weight. I still regret passing up the opportunity to own his Backgammon set after a big win in Vegas.
If there is a better record on the planet than 'I can Dream', then I’d gladly listen to it and in a way I’m glad that he did pop his clogs when he did, firstly the thought of him doing a duet on X factor with Jedward is too horrible to contemplate, shame on you McCartney, but also I would have missed out on all that fun when I was seven. Harem Sacrum is still the worst movie I've ever watched!
